i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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