i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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