drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
