So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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