Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
