Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize