you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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