Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize