so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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