I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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