Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
