hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize