Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
