Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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