my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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