i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
