Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sarcasm needs its own font
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
