God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
