I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
