Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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