And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
