yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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