She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize