i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
