i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
