Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize