I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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