Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
