This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
