So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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