hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
