my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So many bounce houses so little time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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