My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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