Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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