Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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