would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
