i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize