Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
