So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
