If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
