dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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