I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
