Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
