I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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