Pappa wants mamma naked
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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