Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
