be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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