Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
