I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
