First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
