Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
