apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
