i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
