Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
