so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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