I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
