why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
