i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Vodka?
Forever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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