I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
