My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize