Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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