You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
