When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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