Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
