like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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