It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
