Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
