Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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