We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
