The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
