): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
