Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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