She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
