I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
