oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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