Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
