That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
