I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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