Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
