Your dad touched me again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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