Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize