Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
