Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
