If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
