does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
