I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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