Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
