Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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