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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
