in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
