my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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