Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
