my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
