I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
