The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My pussy is not your playground.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
