wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
