i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
