You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
