she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize