You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
