don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
