if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm at about main and main street
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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