I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
