You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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