Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
