Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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