Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
