VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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